Not quite two years ago, I went to the Medicaid office with Mum and Dad. I think Dad felt mortified that he was there asking for government assistance to pay for medical bills. He said words to the effect of, "puro mga bum naman mga kasama natin!" I immediately scolded him, afraid that people heard him. Of course he got upset and didn't think he did anything wrong.

Today I was sitting at the laundromat, and you see all sorts of characters in there. This older guy sat next to me, and he just reeked. Urine, what have you. I held my breath as much as I could, afraid to move, afraid to insult him, as if he could read my mind. I guess Dad was just verbalizing what we normally wouldn't express. Not saying it out loud didn't make my offense any less.

In a deep funk. I justify my weepiness and irritability by saying it's hormonal. Day in, day out, I listen and deal with people in pain, hear their complaints. I find my mind drifting off as they continue with their litany of problems. I was snippy with a male patient who I find odd. I yelled at this spoiled 8 year old girl who probably has ADD, and with a teen's attitude already, to do what she's supposed to. I had to keep redirecting this new patient who kept going off on tangents and wouldn't give a straightforward answer. I sent a brusque text message to my Mum after I found out they weren't coming out here when they're supposed to. Of course I felt bad and sent a somewhat contrite follow-up text.

I cringe everytime I hear myself say a gruff remark. And then the guilt begins. Followed by anger at other people's deportment. Then the rationalization for MY bad behavior. Anger at myself for feeling that way. It ends with acceptance of my atrocious conduct and the need to forgive myself.

Forgiveness-noun. The act of pardoning, absolving, ceasing to blame or demand penalty, ceasing to feel resentment.

What if forgiveness never comes?

1. Student number?87------
2. College? College of Allied Medical Professions
3. Ano ang course mo?B.S. in Physical Therapy
4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kick out? I stuck it out in PT from freshman year.
5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT? UP Diliman, Melchor Hall
6. Favorite GE subject? (General Education classes) Kasaysayan. Coming from a Dominican Catholic school, it blew my mind. Also Zoology, Nat. Sci., Humanidades.
7. Favorite PE? Softball and bowling.
8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guys/girls sa UP? Wala ata akong napansin.
9. Favorite Professors? Professor Tayag, Baez, Chern, Prof.Perdon, Prof. Magpili, Prof. Villegas
10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject? Organic Chemistry, Physics, Math
11. Kumuha ka ba ng Saturday classes? Uh-huh.
12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?No. Just short trips for Humanities class and STS.
13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?Dear Lord, no!
14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo? Not a joiner
15. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay? Bahay thankfully.
16. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun? (Given ang mentality mo nung HS ka) Anthro, Philo, Bio.
17. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP? Josephine T. and Loren S. Her mom found us and nilagak ang anak niya.
18. First play na napanood mo sa UP? Naku Harold Pinter play ata sa Diliman. Maybe "The Birthday Party"?
19. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch? Cafeteria sa UP Manila, Jollibee, Toppings,Shakey's
20. Masaya ba sa UP? pag hindi bumabagsak.
21 . Nakasama ka na ba sa rally? di nga eh, sayang. Too busy trying to pass my subjects.
22. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council? Never.
23. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka? Nope. I survived by the skin of my teeth.
24. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka? Naku baka EAC just to get into PT program.
25.First Year Block? Can't recall.
26.Very First Subject? Can't remember either. Maybe traumatized in Math 11?
27.Favorite Elective? Nag-elective ba ako? I think I stuck with PT curriculum.
28.Pinaka-terror na teacher?Can't remember her name now, but it was our Sociology teacher.
29.Most Favorite Major Subject? Anatomy and Physiology
30.Least Favorite Major Subject? Human Development, Thesis
31.Favorite UP Tradition? Lantern Parade
32.UP Tradition(s) Missed?Wala.
33.Most Memorable Thing You Did Just For Bonus Points? Wala din yata.
34.Pinakamasarap na Pisbol?Sa SPEAR of course. Of course, no basis for comparison. I never ate pisbol before.
35.Pinakamurang pamasahe ng IKOT?Can't remember. Di madalas sa Diliman being from UP Mla. campus.
36.Pinakapayborit na Merienda?Melon shake and pasta dish sa CASAA. sa Mla., keso na popsicle, Jollibee palabok. Minsan, sotanghon from Goldilocks.
37.Umulan ba nung University Graduation mo? Heavens no.

I lost $10 today. I walked to the nearby Chinese restaurant to pick up lunch for my co-worker and me. When I got back to the office, my $10 change wasn't in my pocket. I retraced my steps hoping to find it, but it was gone like I expected. Not sure if I dropped it at the Chinese restaurant or on the way back.

Then while we were both eating, a patient told us the pool was overflowing. She had been refilling the pool and forgot all about it. I had done that once but not to the point where the water actually spilled over. The water level was just ridiculously high. This time half the gym area was wet. So we spent the afternoon cleaning up.

I went to visit my doggie nephew Zack yesterday. He's had a corneal ulcer for at least a week now. I felt so bad for the little guy, his left eye's still swollen. It's funny though how his eye gets bigger when he's playing.

I woke up to the sound of a blaring car horn before 7AM today. He (I assume it's a male) did it twice then sped off with engine roaring. Mind you the street is still snowy and icy from last Friday's storm. I almost expected to hear wheels skidding on the slush. What ever happened to ringing the doorbell to pick up someone? What about considering that it's early Sunday morning and people might be sleeping in? People suck.

  • I don't remember putting water bottle along the refrigerator door instead of inside.
  • Finding a light on when I distinctly remember turning it off before I went to bed.
  • Putting something down and finding it elsewhere.
Is this early Alzheimer's? Or the more logical explanation, a ghost roomie?

  • Cancelling my last patient yesterday because of snowstorm. She was a new one and kept saying how much she needed therapy, how she's in pain,etc. But I wasn't about to stay for 3 hours waiting for her when I could be home safe. She said she'll find somewhere else to go and I said that's fine.
  • Refusing to lend money to someone. Now I'm worried where she's going to get it.

Apparently, there still are Filipino politicians with 'delicadeza'. I thought they were fast becoming extinct.

When is "Pushing Daisies" coming back?

Ben Linus is right: I'm more Lost than ever. Some favorite moments from last night's episode:
Hurley to Sawyer: Do you wanna watch Xanadu or Satan's doom? Sawyer: Reading! (Hurley puts VHS tape in VCR... cue Olivia Newton-John singing title song!)

Sawyer:
Bruce Lee from the freighter.

Kate: Are you taking that to Miles?
Hurley: Yeah.
Kate: Locke told me to do it.
Hurley: Good, that guy creeps me out.
Kate: He's still in the rec room, right?
Hurley: No, he's in the boat house......You just totally Scooby Do-ed me, didn't you?

Sawyer: Yeah, I'm cool, we didn't go all the way last night. I get it, you were sad. But, I mean, how can you resist after that whole, "I'll keep you safe thing".

(Locke asks Sawyer what the rest of the group is saying) Sawyer: "I think they're saying, 'baa.'"

Say what you will about Fidel Castro; we could learn a thing or two from Cuba's universal health care and education system. Here's Michael Moore's interview with Che Guevara's daughter Aleida. It's on the "Sicko" DVD special features.

Wanna hear something funny? My patient told me tonight that I looked like and reminded her of Carrie Ann Inaba, of Dancing with the Stars fame. I think she meant it as a compliment, because she said Carrie Ann was a perfectionist, no-nonsense and very direct. I've never watched the show, but I look nothing like her. To promote Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann on Good Morning America, they interviewed each other. All they did was laugh out loud at each other's unfunny comments. Check it out here.

I hope I'm nowhere near as annoying as she was in that interview. Maybe my patient was trying to tell me something?! Honestly, I think it's just the typical American view that all Asians look alike. I had another patient point to an Asian girl in a magazine and say I looked like the model. The girl had long black straight hair, fair skin and Oriental eyes.

Why do people make a big deal out of someone holding your hair back while you throw up after binge-drinking? If they're such a good friend or significant other, they wouldn't have let you get piss-ass drunk in the first place.

I've had a headache for a couple of days but on Monday I started getting nauseous. I go through my usual tragic thoughts: Am I having a stroke? Do I have a tumor? By yesterday, every time I bent down or turned my head I felt like I was going to hurl. I went to the doctor on my lunch break. I was all prepared for a diagnosis of "some bug that's going around", but instead, the Nurse Practitioner diagnosed me with an ear infection. What in tarnation is a 38 year old woman doing getting an ear infection? No, that's not the shameful part. Anyway, she sent me home and gave me a prescription for antibiotics.

At the pharmacy, I'm second in line and there's another woman behind me. A wide-eyed and obviously frazzled woman arrives, sees the line and asks if there is another pharmacy nearby. Nobody answers. I think I went into that mob mentality of "someone else will help". The anxious woman asks again, "Anybody?" The woman in front of me finally answers and she goes on her not-so-merry way. The woman who helped commented that it wasn't such a long line, why couldn't she wait? Those were my thoughts too. Plus the fact that she seemed to have a mental disorder of sorts. The woman behind me said she saw her at the local ambulatory care, and did seem to be in a lot of pain.

For someone who's supposed to help people in pain, I failed miserably.

Happy over-the-Hump Day!



Umm, nothing UNSEEMLY about this post. Ellen Degeneres featured this video on her TV show. I thought it'd be fun for Wednesday, hump day. (Some definitions from Urban Dictionary: Monday is Doom Day. Tuesday is the day before hump day. Thursday is one day after hump day. Except Friday is WOOOH!!! FREEDOM!!! Day, Saturday is Mostly Hungover day, and Sunday is PreDoom day.)

I saw Leonard Nimoy on The Colbert Report last week. He was promoting his book The Full Body Project. They're photographs of nude, plus-sized women. In one shot, he even posed the women ala "Nude Descending a Staircase". Brava to these women for allowing themselves to be photographed in the buff. Read Mr. Nimoy's New York Times interview.

Even Carson Kressley, my favorite of Queer Eye's Fab Five, has a new show 'How to Look Good Naked'. He's on a mission to help women feel good about their body types. Not all of us can be a size 0-2. I cringed when I heard my brother-in-law's sister berate her skinny niece for putting on weight. I couldn't believe my ears when a stick-thin server at my sister's 18th b-day party complained to a co-worker about how fat she is. People grumble about their weight all the time (myself included). And then I hear they had M&M's or brownies and fast food for dinner. Or they wolf down huge portions of food (again, not excluding myself here). Even though we know obesity causes all sorts of medical problems.

It's wonderful that there are people drawing attention to issues of weight, beauty, self image. There's a fine line however between accepting yourself for what you are, and just being content. It's so easy to love my overweight self, sit in front of the TV, eat junk food all day, and just SPREAD. Health and fitness should also be emphasized. Self-acceptance allows change. Self improvement should become the next step. Not quick fixes like diet pills, surgery, starvation, but through a healthier lifestyle. It's a constant struggle.

The stuff of nightmares: In 1993, fossil fragments of Beelzebufo, ancient "devil frog" were discovered in northwestern Madagascar. Scientists have now pieced together enough of its remains to estimate that it weighed 10 pounds and was 16 inches long. *shivers* I love how scientists said it was quite mean. It probably ate newborn dinos. Truly the Frog King.


Happy Presidents' Day! It would be even happier if I had the day off...

When you go to the post office now, they ask if you're mailing hazardous materials. If you were, would you admit to it? It's like when you're at the airport and the agent asks if you packed your own luggage or if you're carrying packages from strangers. Criminals or terrorists have no qualms about lying. That's nothing to them in the greater scheme of things. That's what they're supposed to do, lie, cheat and deceive.


I was speaking to someone the other day about driving through the snowstorm this past Sunday. We both were in the same area and she was talking about the idiots on the highway who go so slow. I proudly said I'm one of those idiots. If being cautious in bad weather is idiotic, I don't want to be smart. It kills me when people pass you, weave through lanes, tailgate you during inclement weather. And they have the gall to give you an evil eye as they pass. Just because some of them have four wheel drive doesn't mean they're invincible.

And what's the hurry anyway? How much time are they really saving by speeding and changing lanes like maniacs? At the end of the day, we're all still out of time.

06.06.08

The surprises on Lost just keep coming. What a reveal! Episode 3 rocked! You don't wanna get on badass Sayid's bad side. I thought he was going to be written off, too. I love how he's a sensitive torturer and killer. Favorite lines from the ep:

  • Oh awesome, the ship sent us another Sawyer.
  • So does that mean I should wait 20 minutes and go anyway?
  • No...no, he was a torturer.
  • Sawyer to Ben: Ready to give us a name, Gizmo? (Gizmo from the Gremlins movie, who was a Mogwai. It supposedly means evil spirit in Chinese)
  • The last time you encountered him, you put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. That's not good diplomacy.
  • And my favorite exchange--Danielle: I'm sorry, Sayid. Nothing personal.
    Sayid: Where's Locke?
    Hurley: He's talking to that angry Chinese guy.
    Sayid: I'm not going to hurt you, Hurley.
    Hurley: Yeah... I saw you snap that guy's neck with that breakdancing thing you do with your legs. I think I'll hang back here.

Who's number one? Who, who , who, who? Uno, a beagle, won Best in Show at the 2008 Westminster Kennel Club dog show.

You think that you send your kids off to school and they're in a safe environment. And yet, here's another campus shooting. What could be so bad that these students keep wanting to kill total strangers? Why not just off themselves? Why take innocent people with them?

Happy Valentime's Day! According to Urban Dictionary, it is on 14 February, the same day as Valentine's Day except it is is only celebrated by 5 year olds.


I attended a fundraiser for my nieces' local theatre company last Sunday. The kids are absolutely amazing. My niece sang"I Know where I've Been" from Hairspray, and she blew me away. I got teary-eyed watching her. A parent who was watching said she's so soulful. The new director for their spring musical got on his feet as soon as she finished her song, big smile on his face. It was well-worth driving through blinding snow to see the show.

I'm so proud of my nieces. I wish I was crazy talented like them.



Tonight into tomorrow: Snow, sleet, freezing rain, wintry mix.
It's a silent night interrupted every so often by the sound of the snowplows. I don't like the sound of the plows, but I like that they're going to keep me safe when I leave tomorrow. Strange how snow falling on the drive home bring me so much stress, but so much pleasure seeing it now from my bedroom window. Ice so beautiful on the trees and grass, so treacherous on the roads. Rain tomorrow to melt it all away, but with the potential to flood everything.


To keep up with my fishy theme for the morning, I had to have a shout-out to my favorite fish (not to eat but just to look at)---the mola mola! I first saw an article about the ocean sunfish in the National Geographic. They look like gentle giants; homebodies just basking in the sun or gliding in the ocean. Poor things get so many parasites on them they have to employ the assistance of other fish or birds to get them off their skin.

The Today Show was at the Georgia Aquarium this morning. Meredith Vieira dished out this interesting tidbit: What fish is the staff most afraid of? Nope, not the shark or stingray, but the grouper. They lie in wait for their prey and slurp them up as they pass by. They start out as females then turn into irate males.

I remember reading about the brutality and violence of Indonesian rule in East Timor. It was good news when East Timor became a democracy. It remains one of the poorest countries in the world and unfortunately is now under a state of emergency after a coup attempt. Thank goodness the attempts on the lives of President Jose Ramos-Horta and Prime Minister Xanana Gusmao were unsuccessful. The Nobel Peace Prize-winning President is in extremely serious but stable condition.
I will never understand these power grabs. Don't these power-hungry renegade soldiers realize that they're only further destabilizing their country? How can they get their countrymen to believe that they have their best interests at heart? Doesn't violence beget violence? Yes, it's all birthing pains folks will say. Can't people find an epidural?

I read that a pair of Filipino wood-carvers from Paete won first place at the 21st Ottawa International Ice-carving competition earlier this month. Armando Baisas and his nephew Ross Baisas carved Tunggalian (Encounter), depicting the legendary battle of Lapu-Lapu and Magellan. I searched for photos of it but had no luck. That would have been a sight to see.





I always knew I was a slacker. Thanks La Lopez II!

I saw this on Pinkisthenewblog. A photographer named Mike Ruiz had taken it. Jim Henson might be rolling in his grave.


Kung Hei Fat Choy! A happy, healthy and prosperous Year of the Earth Rat to all!

(Picture from Asian Connections)

Will they tell us if any animals were ever harmed in the making of a movie?

I woke up late this morning and didn't have time to eat breakfast at home. I went to my local Dunkin' Donuts and inside was this huge security guy directing people towards the queue. He told me to keep my hands out of my pocket. I noticed two other men in black complete with dark sunglasses. There's a white stretch limo outside with a Hillary for President sign. A woman with sunglasses, long curly hair, wearing a white coat and black heels was shaking hands with everyone, handing out a pamphlet. (One woman did not look amused and refused it.) Miss Thang asked me what my name was and introduced herself as Chelsea. She told me to vote tomorrow and gave me a Hillary Clinton pamphlet. One of the "Secret Service" guys talked into his walkie-talkie and told the woman that they have to go. They took pictures with the staff then headed out. After they left, the guy behind me said they were from a local radio station, pretending to be Chelsea Clinton. The MIB were the DJs.

I didn't think she looked like Chelsea at all. For one thing, Ms. Clinton has become quite the fashionista, and has a different hairstyle now. I thought maybe she was the daughter of one of the delegates. I guess I missed the joke.

I got to work and heard that they actually went to Barack Obama's office and handed out Clinton pamphlets there also.

Least they could have done was pay for everyone's order.

After dinner at Won Dee Siam II (There is the smaller but cheaper and apparently more superior Won Dee Siam in the next block.), Mike and I went to see August: Osage County last night upon Pinky's enthusiastic recommendations. I was a little apprehensive because it's 3 and a half hours long, and it is a play rather than a musical. But the story is so riveting you don't feel the hours go by. You almost didn't want an intermission (there were 2) just to find out what happened next.

'August' is the story of the ├╝ber dysfunctional Westons of Oklahoma. The alcoholic father Beverly vanishes one night, and his family is left to deal with the repercussions. His ferocious drug-addled wife Violet, who is prone to "truth-telling" as she calls it, proceeds to tear into each and every one of her 3 daughters as they come home. Lugging their husbands or boyfriends along for the bumpy ride, one devastating family secret after another is revealed.

The play is so well-written; the humor is biting but ultimately sad. You laugh out loud and cringe at the same time. You watch as one daughter deteriorates into a hybrid version of her drunk father and vicious mother, and the other sister is not afraid to let her know that. It is a heartbreaking look at how much damage people can inflict on one another. And it makes you thankful that your family is normal after all.

Apparently, underwater fiber-optic cables tie the world's Internet and phone lines together. Fishing lines can actually break these cables and disrupt services. If an outage occurs, they simply reroute to another system.

That's all well and good, but that still doesn't explain what this Internet thing is. Where is it? How am I able to blog, post pictures, obtain music, chat, have answers to questions within seconds? When does it sleep? Can it become like Skynet in Terminator?

I prefer my theory of little genius creatures working a humongous switchboard. Granted, perhaps they're under the sea.


 

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