I can't wait to be rid of 2008---the year of the house fire, my surgery and treatment, family drama and conflict. Although I must say my diagnosis of a brain tumor was a good and bad thing. Being told you have a malignancy is certainly bad news, but on the up side, it leads you to re-examine your life, your philosophy, your beliefs, your diet, your strengths and weaknesses. As they say, if you don't heed the message the first time, you get hit with a bigger hammer the next time.
So I bid 2008 goodbye, including all the negativity, anger and fear it generated . I look to 2009 with hope, gratitude and appreciation.
So my aunts' visit wasn't as unpleasant as I thought it could have been. It kinda fell apart at the end but no outright fighting darnit!
My sister's getting an 8 year old Maltese so she's been reading up on training him to get along with my current doggie nephew Zack. She learned that it's not true that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. You just have to be patient with them.
What I know to be true after all our conflicts with our MalTitas throughout the years is that you can't teach OLD HUMANS new tricks.
For all my blather about living in the Now, I've been so anxious since I received a message from my aunt who's in the state for the holidays. She's the least annoying one of my dad's sisters and she wanted to come visit me before they go home on Monday. So last night I was trying to come up with an excuse not to see them, already anticipating drama. But I didn't want to lie either, so I just returned her call and kinda went with the flow. I told her that I did want to see her family but not her older sisters. She was speechless for a while and then proceeded to tell me how my aunts all love us, and how they always keep us in their prayers(to myself, I'm saying that's because they probably think we're all sinners and need to be prayed for). I'm hormonal so I had a micro-meltdown on the phone with her, lashing out at her sisters. She was very sympathetic but couldn't really say much because she was with one of the ContraTitas. She even invited me to her home state so we could have a heart to heart. She said she'll call me today and figure out how to meet up.
So she called me this morning and it seemed for a while that we weren't going to have a chance to see each other. I was fine either way, but she decided to call one of her sisters to bring them to my place tomorrow. At that point, I saw how hard she was trying to see me so I just agreed. Now, I'm all tense and nervous. I haven't seen the other aunt since the Daddy falling-out episode after my surgery. I want to have a shouting match with her, tell this visiting aunt all the injustice that has been perpetuated against me, my mom and my sisters. Even though I know it'll probably fall on deaf ears. They are sisters after all, and will stick together. I just got a voicemail asking me to text them my address so they can put in on the GPS. I'm almost tempted to ignore it.
Great homily during the Christmas Day Mass yesterday. The priest told the story about Americans who worked with abused, traumatized orphans in Russia. I don't think he mentioned when this was, but I assume it was when the country was still under the Communists. But he read from a first-person account of one of the people there. The Americans sat all the kids down and told them the story of Christmas which, having been under the Communists for so long, they had never heard before. The children were riveted, and at the end, they separated them into groups to make their own manger/nativity scene with the barest of supplies. They used 3 pieces of cardboard for the manger, strips of paper to represent Jesus, and cloth to wrap the baby Jesus in that was taken from a nightgown donated by a more affluent Russian woman. As they went around the room helping the kids with the project, one noticed that one boy had two babies in the manger. So she got a translator and wanted to know what was going on.
The boy started to recount the Christmas story, but as he went along, he started to ad lib. He said he felt he sympathized with Jesus, because there was no room for him anywhere. He had no parents. He wanted to stay with Jesus, thinking that there would be nobody that could hurt him there. However, he felt bad because he didn't have any money to get Him a present like the three kings did. He asked Jesus if keeping Him warm would be enough of a gift. Jesus said yes. So the boy climbed into the manger with him. That's why there were two babies in it.
I saw a few women wipe tears from their eyes. I got teary-eyed myself. Some of the emotional impact may have diminished with MY retelling of the tale. But I hope the message of love and charity came through. Truth always comes from the mouths of babes.
I was too lazy to put up my 4 and a half foot XMas tree, so I just did my little Winnie the Pooh tree. Maligayang Pasko sa inyong lahat!!!
Every year at this time, we keep hearing "Peace on Earth, Good will to all men." But we'll never get real peace globally because we don't have it within our own family units. Collectively, we're all carrying baggage and negative emotions, which we usually perceive as brought upon by other people around us. Instead of owning up to our part in the argument, fight, what-have-you. We keep perpetuating the problems and negativity in our minds, casting ourselves as the victims of the situation.
I've come to the conclusion that most families are dysfunctional, just to varying degrees. There are people holding grudges and refusing to forgive; people blaming other people, imagining slights when none was intended, isolating themselves instead of coming together as a family. And I'm not just talking about blood relatives. Even your friends are part of your family... sometimes they ARE your family. I have a friend who'll be celebrating the holidays alone. You're lucky if you get to CHOOSE to stay home alone and eat all by your lonesome, but if you're forced by circumstance then it's another story. It's easy to take things and people for granted. I'm blessed that I have family close by, but I understand that even they can't be around all the time. Because that's life. Everyone has things to do, places to go. But one can't just give up on them and stop trying to see or talk to them. You can't blame someone for not making an effort when you yourself aren't doing anything. I have a friend who'll call me every now and then, most of the time just leaving a message saying that he's just saying hello. That I don't need to call him back, he was just thinking of me. I was (still am) quite shy. Sometimes I can't understand how I got to have as many friends as I have now. (And believe me, they're not that many.) I appreciate and cherish each and every single one of my friends and family members even more. Especially after the kind of year I've had. I look forward to every encounter and I thank God.
I have another friend whose sister and brother-in-law bilked her of money from a business transaction gone bad. Where are they now? She forgave her, moved across the state to live near her, and now they get to see their children grow up together. We keep hearing that forgiveness doesn't mean that what someone did is OK; it's just that YOU'RE letting go of whatever negative thoughts you have about the situation. And you are all the better for it. It takes more out of you to hold on to that anger or even worse, indifference.
Reconciling in the spirit of the season, even for just a brief moment, maybe just for a shared meal. Is that a bad thing? Is that hypocritical? Not at all. Getting together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ? How COULD it be? Even enemy combatants observe a ceasefire around the holidays. Because that's what Jesus preached, loving the unlovable, accepting the unacceptable, forgiving the unforgivable. That's what made Him so dangerous in the eyes of the priests and other authority figures. Because He was seeking to unite instead of divide.
A thousand-mile journey begins with a single step. Because if you do take that single step and at least try to put all ill feelings aside, then you're already on the road to compassion and understanding. Ever since our falling-out with our father (we've settled into an uneasy truce), I keep hearing the voice of my wise sister Lynn saying that everything that happened, everything that he said, did or didn't do, was coming from a place of pain. It was very astute of her to put herself in his shoes, stand back from her emotions and pre-conceived ideas, and develop true sympathy or empathy for him.
If only we could all get into this mindset. That would be a real Christmas miracle. Merry Christmas everyone. Keep your loved ones close, and let them know they are loved.
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I got goose bumps when I saw the image from the hospital surveillance camera. I think my angel's name is Guido. No, not THAT kind of Guido. Seems appropriate, an Italian angel watching over me.
Now this pissed me off: former Philippine President Cory Aquino apologized to disgraced former President Joseph Estrada for her role in the 2001 People Power uprising that ousted the boozing and womanizing Estrada. Sure, it unfortunately made his Vice-President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo the leader of the land, but only because the Constitution mandated that she was his legal successor. The events since then shouldn't take away the fact that Erap was convicted of plunder. Even though Arroyo eventually pardoned him, it doesn't make him less guilty of greed and corruption during his time in office.
At the time, even I wasn't sure if I agreed with the unconstitutional way that Estrada was removed from office. But just like People Power I, this was a spontaneous protest, an outpouring of public anger and indignation. Even now, Arroyo wants to subvert the Constitution to stay in power. And I don't know what Filipinos can do, other than to keep fighting to let their voices be heard, take to the streets. That's the beauty of a free society. I respect Mrs. Aquino's right to say that she was sorry for helping topple Mr. Estrada. I understand the need for unity and reconciliation. But hindsight is always 20/20. She of all people should know it wasn't right to let a lying/cheating/stealing dishonorable president remain in power, while the rest of the country lived in poverty and squalor. For Mr. Estrada to say now that he feels vindicated is appalling. Nobody should get a free pass. Everyone should be held accountable.
Everyone keeps saying that the Philippines is a young democracy, that we have to find our own way and be allowed to make mistakes. That the country shouldn't be held up to Western standards of democracy. But if we don't aspire to the highest ideals of democracy, then what should we aspire to?
Happy Birthday to my sister Lynn! Who's the cutest? Who? Who?!
