Mathoms, etc.

For all my pronouncements about trying or wanting to live in the moment or the Now, I know why I'm so stressed about my dad's presence in my home. I haven't let go of Philippine Hissy Fit 2008 AND American Hissy Fit 2008. Plus all the aggravation leading up to his surgery last year. And what makes it worse is that I'm resentful that Lourdes the eldest, who was so pro-Daddy when the whole thing went down, is nowhere in sight.

Cecile keeps saying we shouldn't let past experiences stop us from making new memories with him. Unfortunately, he doesn't make it easy. And I know he is unlikely to change his ways. And that I should be the one changing how I deal with him. Since my medical problems 2 and a half years ago, I pray everyday to become a better person, a better daughter, a better sister, a better worker. And I know that when we pray for something like that, we don't magically become the person we want to be. It just means that God will give us the opportunities, trials even, to become that person. Maybe I should throw my hands up in the air and surrender, knowing that it's a lost cause.

I read that we should be patient with others' faults, because they are patient with ours. The big question is HOW.