Here's Jon Stewart's interview with Barbara Ehrenreich, who wrote Brightsided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking has Undermined America. She had breast cancer and frequently received the usual pep talk, i.e., that she will come out of it a better person, etc. Which she did not find helpful at all. Having gone through a health scare myself, I do look back on it as some sort of blessing in disguise. Only because it woke me up to what kind of life I could and should be living. In my case, it wasn't that people were telling me all sorts of mantras and affirmations. Maybe it's a cultural thing, because Filipinos don't seem to resort to all that. We just laugh things off, or not say anything at all. It was me telling myself to think positive, reading books and articles on self-healing, searching and seeking comfort. Ms. Ehrenreich kinda pooh-poohs rah-rah speeches in times of a crisis, and says doctors/nurses think this approach is not productive. In my case, books and information were my source of strength. Was I delusional? Maybe. But on days when I felt like crap, it helped to say to myself that "I feel like a million bucks". I even said it out loud, probably much to my sister's chagrin.
One probably never knows what strength is in them until a crisis comes along. Positive thinking did get me through rough patches. Did the whole experience make me kinder and gentler? NO. At first, I WAS more benevolent, patient and forgiving. But Ms. Ehrenreich is correct: she said it made her a nastier person. Not that I turned evil, but it made me less tolerant of other people. I gained perspective. I became more self-indulgent, perhaps selfish in other people's eyes. And totally unapologetic about it. Now I've realized there's nothing wrong with looking out for myself. Life's too short to always be worrying about what other people are saying or thinking about me. Before, I always felt guilty when I was cross with someone or couldn't accommodate a request. Now, I know it's OK to be grumpy. Just like it's OK to let someone be grumpy, without trying to make them feel better. If someone wants or needs to wallow, let them wallow. That's the only way you can get through something---to actually GO THROUGH it. Maybe it's corollary to being present, living in the Now. Because a negative thought or emotion can't last indefinitely. Just BE.
