Mathoms, etc.

Holidays are over. I need a laugh.

• Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know... the birth of Santa.---Bart Simpson

• Calvin: Well. I've decided I do believe in Santa Claus, no matter how preposterous he sounds.Hobbes: What convinced you?Calvin: A simple risk analysis. I want presents. Lots of presents. Why risk not getting them over a matter of belief? Heck, I'll believe anything they want.Hobbes: How cynically enterprising of you.Calvin: It's the spirit of Christmas.

• Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.---Victor Borge

• I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.---Dick Gregory

• It is every little girl's dream to be The fairy on a Christmas tree. A wand in her hand, a smile on her face. And a tree in a most peculiar place.---Spike Milligan
  

• If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's going to happen to us. ---Bart Simpson

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.---Jay Leno

• Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard which hides his face, has no discernible source of income, and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?---Tom Armstrong

• Bloody Christmas, here again, let us raise a loving cup, peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.---Wendy Cope
  

• Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.---Bart Simpson

• Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.---Dave Barry
• Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.---Gary Allan
• When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?---G.K. Chesterton

• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying "toys not included".---Bernard Manning
• Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.---Tom Sims
• Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.---unknown
• What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?Claustrophobic---unknown
• Oh for the good old days when people would stop shopping when they ran out of money.---unknown
• One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don't clean it up too quickly.---Andy Rooney
  

And my favorite one this year, except I forgot to write the exact quote and who said it: "Retailers said they had the greatest Christmas in years. I always thought the first one was the greatest."