Mathoms, etc.

Ever heard of being sick and tired of being sick and tired? That's how I feel lately. I get a headache at least once a day, I get dizzy when I change positions/turn my head, short of breath when I walk, tired when I do anything, even speak. I'm cranky and I know it, but can't seem to do anything about it. I feel obligated to entertain my mother and sister, but again, I can't. I feel guilty that I have to ask them to do certain things, when I snap at them, when I don't feel like doing anything other than lay on the couch. And I haven't even begun radiation! I wonder how much worse it could get. One of the doctors said it's fatigue that won't be relieved by napping. I wonder how much of what I'm feeling is from the medication.

I've resumed meditating, I'm re-reading Deepak Chopra's Quantum Healing. It's amazing how the mind can really influence how the rest of you is feeling. When I try and put myself in a positive state of mind, I feel better. Unfortunately, it doesn't last. I'm trying.

God give my family and friends patience and strength to deal with me. I sure as heck don't.