- You start squinting to read some things.
- You wake up with aching joints.
- You can't squat, get up or pick something up without sound effects.
- You're up before the alarm clock rings.
- When driving at night, you hog the white line on the side of the road. Just to be sure.
- When driving at night, you slow down when an oncoming car approaches. Again, just to be sure.
- You think lining up for two hours to get on a roller coaster is a complete waste of time. Two hours of your short life you can never get back and you probably could have done something more productive.
- You can convince yourself that sitting around IS productive.
- You believe a roller coaster ride could cause your untimely demise.
- A grocery trip takes forever because you're reading how much fat/fiber/calories/sodium/cholesterol/trans fat is in all your items.
- You wish 'those darn kids' could stop making such a ruckus.
- You've stopped giving Rap the benefit of the doubt that it qualifies as music.
- You see youngsters jumping around to music and know that THAT is not dancing.
- Every newfangled contraption is devilry.
- Doctors' phone numbers are on speed dial.
- Discovery Channel is waayy cooler than MTV.
- You only drive 5-10 miles over the speed limit.
- You yell at people asking them where their jackets or umbrellas are on cold or rainy days.
- You think everyone else is driving too fast and why don't they get off your tail well they can kiss my *** go ahead and pass I hope to God there's a cop waiting for them a few miles down the roadHAH!!!
- You start getting sleepy around 9 PM.
- 11:00 PM is late.
- You look at high school girls and wonder how their mothers ever let them out of the house wearing THAT.
- You complain about those immature 25 year olds.
- You plan your activities according to what The Weather Channel says.
- You start wondering if you need long term care insurance.
- Your idea of a good weekend is vegetating in front of the TV with snacks.
- You start saying "Wait till you get to MY age!"
- You start saying "I remember when I was your age."
- You and your co-workers/relatives compare and contrast health complaints.
- You DIAGNOSE each other's illnesses.
- You know when to be kind, and when to be fair.
- You know that niceness doesn't always cut it. You catch more bees with honey, but sometimes you just really want to scream at people and bop them on the heads.
- You know you can't please everybody...and most times, you don't care anymore.
- You know how to let people who crave attention, get the attention.
- You know how to rise above negativity, and when to wallow in it. And enjoy it.
- You've pretty much figured out when to shut up and back off.
- You don't just think people are ridiculous...you KNOW they are.
- You know you are ENOUGH. (And if people can't see that, then that's their damn problem.)
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