Mathoms, etc.

I am plain evil. Or I just don't know when to shut up. I like to think that there is a special place for me in heaven because I work in healthcare. (There's gotta be, there has to be! With everything that we put up with!) But it doesn't take much for me to lose brownie points. Exhibit A: Earlier tonight, I got an instant message from an old friend in the Philippines who I haven't spoken to in ages. Instead of a pleasant conversation, I managed to bring our chat to a dead stop in 15 minutes. Last time we chatted, she told me this older man boyfriend of hers had broken up with her (I didn't even know they were a couple because she said they weren't). He got tired of waiting for her. He wanted to move forward but she comes from this ultra-conservative family who apparently won't understand that he is separated and has teenaged kids. There is no divorce in the Philippines; only thing he can do is get an annulment. She was not demanding this from him because he will get one if he really wanted to. She then changed the topic (probably getting aggravated with the things I was saying) so I let it go.

So tonight she asks me if I was still single. She always asks this, as if I would get hitched without telling her. I inquire about her state of affairs and about aforementioned guy. She said she's faced the fact that the relationship would only stagnate because they couldn't go anywhere. "Can't go anywhere?" I ask, wondering if she means the relationship isn't going anywhere? Or they can't physically go out and be seen together? Anyway, she says Yes, because his marriage isn't annulled. I tell her it's not as if he's still with his wife and cheating with her. Then of course the wheels in my head begin to turn---maybe he's not separated! He's supposedly been separated for many many years.

I couldn't for the life of me understand how at almost 40 years old, she still can't do what she wants. Her parents are so sweet I can't imagine them getting bent out of shape over anything. Maybe she sensed my impatience and frustration. HER: The caring is still there, the concern but trying to unlearn the loving part. He is setting aside what we have for now. ME: WTF?!! (but I keep it all inside) I give her my usual spiel about her needing to lead her own life, blah blah blah. She IMs that her nephew was bugging her and that was the end of the chat. I sent a few more messages about a different topic, trying to salvage the conversation. Didn't work. I sign off all perturbed.

Now this is a friend who genuinely and possibly desperately wants to get married. I could be wrong but from the few instances that we've talked about this guy, she seems to think he is the one. How sad that she feels so constrained by her old-fashioned family values. Aren't we supposed to find or make our own joy? What if she is missing out just because she is afraid of what her family will say? Everytime we talk she always mentions how lucky I am to be living independently. I know she is a dutiful daughter and all but when does that stop? Sometimes I just wanna hit her upside the head.