Mathoms, etc.

I am still reeling from the events this past weekend. I was hoping to shed some light on the situation by writing my thoughts down to help process them. Here's my Post-game analysis: I take full responsibility for my part in the escalation. If only I was able to let go of past events and perceptions of how people ARE based on how they WERE, then I would have been more open to giving people second chances. In my mind, I was probably expecting another blow-out. And here, the self-fulfilling prophecy part comes in. Everything was just simmering, waiting to come out at the slightest provocation. And all because the two parties meant well, but didn't know how to show it. And both felt they got rebuffed.

I am not letting him off the hook. I cannot control his reactions, but I am deeply disturbed by his response. It chills me to the bone, and brings tears to my eyes just recalling the things he said. I may have deserved some of the anger and frustration, but to sit in my room, shaking, cowering in fear? I did not deserve that. It is one thing to be upset, and in the heat of the moment, say things you don't mean. But to come from such a place of rage that one could actually verbalize thoughts of killing one's own child? I know parents have a joke about how they brought their kids into this world, and they can take them out. But this was something else.

My friend D is divorced, and has two kids with her ex-husband. She had sole physical custody, with the father seeing them every other weekend and allowed one overnight stay a month. Until this weekend. She came home Friday to find that her oldest daughter had moved out to live with her father. What hurt even worse was that the planning started a while back. Long enough time to have her ready to go to her new school tomorrow. She had also told her younger sister but made her promise not to say anything. D has enough mental and physical problems, but to spring this on her devastated her. She was a wreck all weekend. She came to work crying. She felt awful knowing that today, her daughter would have to say goodbye to all her friends in the old school, and that she can't be there for her. And that tomorrow, she was starting at a new school, frightened and nervous about the change. It tore D apart that she couldn't be there for her. What broke MY heart was when she said she slept on her daughter's bed all weekend. Just to retain some semblance of closeness. I started weeping right along with her. This was a parent.

I don't know what lies ahead. Should I apologize? Will it even mean anything to him? Will I ever talk to him again? God knows he'll never admit to any wrongdoing. In the meantime, I wish him clarity and understanding. A little common sense, compassion and empathy can't be bad either.