Mathoms, etc.

I am not a cook. I don't like to cook. I get by on broiling, steaming, stir-frying, boiling. Having my father with me is a source of major stress because he needs to eat. And because of his complicated medical status, healthy food is necessary. But he likes the salty, the fatty, the sweet. Because of my irregular work hours, before he comes to stay with me, I go on a cooking frenzy so he won't find himself hungry or hypoglycemic. I literally slave away in the kitchen all night. And what happens? He doesn't eat.

Over the weekend it was decided without my knowledge or permission that he'll be staying with me indefinitely. No disrespect because I know it's our responsibility to take care of our parents, but I actually couldn't sleep that night when I found out. My sister brought him here yesterday. A little over 24 hours later, I already had a mini-meltdown. I came home tonight and asked him if he ate. He said he did. I saw some pieces of bread were missing. I looked in the rice cooker and fridge where he had a choice of 4 dishes. Fruits, vegetables, healthy snacks. All untouched. I went ballistic. I told him how worried I am that he'll go hungry or that I'll come home and he's passed out. Also how I heard he was saying he's starving at our other sister's place. He denied saying that. When I first heard this, I really didn't believe that my sister or brother in law would let him starve. Because I knew from my experience here that it's his choice not to eat. If he's not eating there (and my brother in law cooks. And they eat the bad stuff), what chances do I have of getting him to eat here?

I told him I'm not a cook but I try. That I do a cooking marathon the eve of his arrival. At this rate, he's gonna end up malnourished, dehydrated, hypoglycemic. How to get through to him? I have no idea. He's as stubborn as a mule. He said last night he'll just order out, Chinese food preferably. But who can afford to order out for every meal? And he can't afford to ingest all the unhealthy stuff anyway. Maybe we should take him up on his request to go into a nursing home. See how he likes that. At least we know he'll be eating and taking his medications as he should. At this point, he really has nowhere to go. His sisters are out of the picture. He talked about finding low-cost housing so he can be on his own. How does he think he's going to eat? It's unfortunate that he's from the old era where the men don't know how to do anything around the house.

He's discontented wherever he goes. That's why he's so eager to go back to the Phils. so he's free to indulge in unhealthy eating and do his own thing. I understand how hard it is to live with other people, especially your adult children nagging you about your medications, exercise, and diet. To have to rely on them to take you everywhere. To wait all day at home with nothing much to do. To have no common interests with your kids. To be a stranger to them and now be expected to live with them. What I don't understand is how he expects things to be harmonious all the time. At the first sign of trouble or a disagreement, or the hint of an argument, he decides to pack his bags and leave.

What's the solution then? None that I can see at this time. In the meantime, I resent that I'm made to feel like a bad daughter. True, I can stand to be a little less adversarial and be more tactful. But like in most conflicts, diplomacy can only get you so far.