Mathoms, etc.

Still at Columbia 5.19.2008 Monday

Doc Omar stopped in this morning, shaved right parietal side of my head. Surgery's tomorrow afternoon. Got another MRI and XRay. I signed papers for craniotomy. He marked my head. He said probably 4-5 hours surgery, ICU one day then back to this unit. Probably discharged in 2-3 days. I asked if he was going to be there, he said probably not. PT stopped in to say she'll come in and let me dangle at bedside in ICU. If I can tolerate 10 mins, up in a chair and maybe a stroll. Social worker stopped by; I asked if there were problems with insurance and he said none so far. I had a hard time with find-a-word-puzzles. Took me forever and I couldn't even finish it. Lots of deja vu experiences all day.

Just asked for something to calm my queasiness, also for Milk of Magnesia as Colace not helping. Wonder if nausea's from MOM or nerves.

Cecile came by train today. Just told her again about healthcare proxy and I'm sure she knows by now my wishes. Today was my worst day here. I felt dizzy, headachy, queasy. After a nap I felt better; even Ces slept. Poor thing must be exhausted. It's great that I've never seen or heard her cry. That helps me a lot. I felt better by the time Mike Dec and cousin Katherine came.

715 PM: Mike, Katherine and Ces just left. Laughter-filled visit. Got flowers from work. Talked to Fr. John briefly. Great support from everyone. Mike even got me a Tick...tick...Boom! CD. Plus chismis magazines. Very cool and necessary.

Heartwarming/funny text messages: Ces told Euge thanks for helping out so much right now. His response? "Bakit thank you? She's my sister, too." AWWWW!!!!

from Charles: You take it ez ha? Take your meds, rest well.
from Lynn: I forgot to tell you what TJ said: You have a buff, sporty body and will therefore pull through.

from Lynn: Meningioma needs to be shown what's what.

Mike said to put on lipstick in case the medics be BY. I said I had none. He said: "make kurot your chicks for that Jane Austen glow."

from Beth: "Tell them to be careful with you or I'll hurt them." (during ambulance ride)

from Deb: "Do you want to work my Saturday?" I said I cleared my schedule.

from Deb: "Get a good night's sleep if you can. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I can't wait for you to come home so we get back to our normal dysfunction." I told her I won't come back if I have to see Wayne. Her reply: "Sure you want me to have him all to myself. And I thought you loved me. Miss you."

from Pinky: "Looking at datebook a year ago, this date we be watching Wicked with Dawn; 2morrow it be Grey Gardens. Napapaiyak ako after seeing that." AWWW!!! Pinky's a good girl.

I asked nurse what time the surgery was. She said they'll call them sometime tonight and tell them to get me ready at a certain time. It's 835 PM, still strangely calm. I don't know if I'm detached, in denial, or just really accepting the whole thing. I know things will turn out well. I am Buffy. Or Iron man. Or Iron Maiden. Of Rohan.

Family's arriving from the Phils. on the 23rd. Woohoo!

I think what we all must realize is that we all walk alone. We are born alone, go through illness pretty much alone, and you leave the world alone. You could be surrounded by friends and family, but it's still a path you alone can and must take. I think that's why I'm so calm. There is no way around it. It's a lonely path. Granted it's surrounded by a warm glow from your loved ones. And that makes it easier to walk that path.

I'll try to sleep now. Maybe pray first. I hope my roomie's OK, she's not back yet. Probably in ICU. God bless her.

Love Zacky too! And the Abitangs, and the Valeras. Thanks for all their good wishes and prayers!